Never Gonna Come Back Down

so this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivacaftor

is now gonna be covered by ontario's health insurance.

meaning:

i will have access to a medication that is basically a cure for my worst symptoms.

I AM FUCKING ECSTATIC

Someday I will do a year-end inventory.

Maybe.

Kinda.



What I will definitely do though is say a huge huge thank-you to all yonder tomodachi. I love all you guys to bits. You make life a little sunnier when the gloom parks on my brains, and that means the world to me.

So too does the fact that most of you met me when I was an undiagnosed yard-sale and deeply, deeply unhappy. And you've stuck with me all this time. I owe all y'all a beverage. XD

Seriously though.

Much love and endless blessings for the coming year. I love you guys to bits.

BEFORE I START: yes, I know this has a lot of extrapolation in it, but this is Megaman X so extrapolation is kinda necessary.

SO! I know Word of Inafune has it that Zero is--well--patient zero for the lolwtgomgdairyqueenbbq virus, and Sigma was the first it got passed on to, but it seems to have had an interesting incubation period. Most computer viruses hit hard, hit fast, and smoke your junk before you can say PEBKAC, but what jumped from Zero to Sigma seems to behave more like something biological.

Computer and biological viruses both whack when the system's defenses are down; the maverick/irregular/Zero-gots-cooties virus is data in essence but it behaves like biology as you would expect because repl(ir)oids==replicant androids et cetera and I'm sorta rambling here so I'll try to get to my point--

The virus seems to lie dormant in Sigma for a while. This isn't unusual when it comes to shit like the flu. It'll chunk around doing nothing until conditions are right--like the host being tired out or weakened. Can reploids have that happen? Yes, probably. We know they can get physically damaged, and while the getting-punched-by-Vile kind of damage is a no-brainer, what about fatigue?

Specifically, what about mental and emotional fatigue?

This puts the same strain on OUR systems as does physical fatigue because the mind/body dichotomy is fucking bunkum. Fear, joy, sadness, anger--all of these emotive states have an impact on our body. Thus it would be the case with reploids.

So in essence, my theory's that the virus was dormant until Sigma got won out, and then it clobbered him, and he did his damnedest to pretend nothing was wrong until that was no longer possible. Which should sound familiar to some people!

It's not anvilled but it IS implied that humans are kind of asshatty in how reploids are treated (the ever-badass Red McDracoensis Canadensis pointed this out not too long ago so I have to give her mad props for her superskills and give her credit for my expanding on this idea at all). This isn't too surprising, since--look how we treat EACH OTHER. There's a massive lack of mental health resources available to the average person, and the lack of these resources is NOTORIOUSLY EPIC when it comes to the military and EMS (fire/ambulance/cops). And with the reploids--well, look at Iris and Colonel and how come they even exist.

This isn't painting a pretty picture about what active duty might have been like for ol' Sigma.

My guess is that Sigma got sent out on mission after mission after mission after mission without much downtime (because, said the humies, he's a reploid--better faster stronger et cetera, he shouldn't NEED downtime), and thus he ended up coping with toxic levels of stress without much support, ultimately developed PTSD, and all the while the virus is sort of nibbling away and he knows something's wrong but keeps a lid on it because wat happens when he becomes useless and obsolete--and then when he was completely blue-screening it clotheslined him hardcore.

(I have a similar theory about why Sephiroth went so far around the bend so fast. Legendary soldiers shouldn't neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed mental heath resources et cetera let's just keep ignoring his prescribed leave and send him out over and over again barf barf barf, fuk u prez shinra. I hope Hojo used up all your profits on frivolous crap.)

And Sigma's able to pass the virus on because he reaches out to people who are as worn down and beaten up as him, and--yeah. I've seen people make OFFENSIVE AND INACCURATE AND NONSENSICAL ANALOGIES with this but I will not address this beyond "those people need to be eaten by eternal murdercrickets". Sigma believes he is freeing his kin. In a way, he is. It's hard for me to see him as a straight-up bad guy at this point. Why yes, he IS a rampaging asshat, but in his eyes he's doing everything necessary to save his kin from ending up facedown in the dumpster, and he's not entirely wrong in thinking so. Hell, look what happens to Repliforce, and yeah I know Sigma was trollfasing all up in there but come on now...how hard did he actually have to try? How much or how little does it take to get some poor schmuck branded maverick? I can see EASILY how life for reploids could get McCarthylicious every which way but loose, and do so at great speed.

Yeah. Sigma's a doucheyacht. But I can't say he's totally in the wrong inexcusable rebel without a clue no excuse for zomg zomg zomg, because WOW humans are assholes, and they probably had a massive hand in making him what he is. (And I'm not just talking Dr. Wily here.)

tl;dr i like sympathetic villains, even occasionally badly translated ones. XD

Basically--anyone who grabs onto Kael's 'other insults' phrasing as a justification for Golden's fucking rockbrained probematic-as-shit "characterization" in the Arthas novel?

Is a dumbass retcon-oblivious ass-sniffing fart-whiffing apologist wanking spewing whinging fact-twisting dishonest whiny motherfucking klunk-knobbed smegmawheel tinhat fuckchop stan-wanker who doesn't know shit about shit.

And needs to shut up for eternity.

( more profanity and violent snarly rhetotric and uber-bitch-queenery beyond this cut. you have been warned. i am not nice here. i am not pulling punches here. i am fucking angry here. if my anger upsets you, please don't read beyond this longass cut. it's not gonna get less vicious anytime soon. )

32 years ago yesterday, my yelly pink ass entered the world complete with baby fauxhawk.

32 years ago, the prospects for kids like me weren’t so hot.

When I was twelve, 24 was the median life expectancy for us.

Now it’s fucking 48. And rising.

And now? I am eligible for medication that basically unfucks my cellular membranes and almost straight-up cures me. This is what I have been dreaming of since my sequential memory kicked in.

My fucking dream is coming true now.

And?

I am 32 years old. I AM EIGHT YEARS PAST MY FORMER TENTATIVE EXPIRY DATE, O THOU PRATING WANKERS. NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW. FEAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This is a rant! It's not entirely serious. Though, it is a little bit serious. I've just seen a lot of ignorant blathering on and on and on about Ayami Kojima's work, and most of it from (a) self-proclaimed Castlevania purists who claim Kojima ruined the games wah wah wah (ignoring the fact that their precious booboo Igarashi is the one who okays and directs her character designs)...and were not even CONCEIVED before Dawn of Sorrow was released, never mind wearing diapers, and who claim to be hardXxXcoreXxX when they cannot even manage the first level of Super Castlevania IV sans savestates, and (b) that particular subtype of tryhard female fan who thinks misogyny and homophobia are a surefire way to look cool and avoid the inevitable shitstorm that comes of disagreeing with insecure dudebrahs (fat chance lol).

The common threads in the "arguments" made by these parties are Orientalist bullshitfuckery, homophobic/gender-essentialist bullshitfuckery, and a certain purposeful obtuseness and utter refusal to accept that fancy-looking men WERE a romantic/aesthetic ideal in Western history.

Have you nincompoops never seen how Louis XIV dressed seriously--

*COUGH*

Anyhow. ( further yammering-nincompoop antics from your hostess )

Okay I’m not going to scold people for liking tragic romance type storylines—whatever floats your boat, seriously.

But I’m really not interested in pursuing such plotlines with regard to the queer couples/trios/catpiles I write.

I’m not averse to putting them through some hella gloominous doominous shit—I like hard-won happy endings, the trial-by-fire makes the s’mores at the end taste that much better and so on…

But I’m not in it for the downer ending with regard to the queer romances I write.

So while I will tell tales of Sylvanas and Lana’thel, or Koltira and Thassarian, going through all kinds of difficult and nightmarish malarkey…I’m not going to rob them of their happy endings.

And yeah, i think it is possible for these couples to have such. Seriously, if people in fandom are going to speak of undeath as synonymous to disability--and then turn around and say that no one undead can ever have a happy ending? That’s treading perilously close to the same kind of ‘logic’ that says disability is God’s punishment for a sin, that disabled folks are somehow b0rken and cannot be happy.

People who have been dealt a shitty hand by fate are allowed to be angry; they are also capable of finding happiness and being joyful, and are allowed to do both! Sorry, but I'm not obliged to suffer nobly for anybody's Hallmark moments! Nor is anyone else who's marginalized in any way, shape or form. This narrative bollocks about bearing up oh-so-nobly under great sorrow and strife needs to go away because it serves mostly to perpetuate the suffering.

I’m sorry, I did not come here to dance at that party.

And yeah I know not everyone who likes tragic stuff runs on that rationale! I just resent the stuff that does! A LOT! Tragedy is something that all of us contend with, and I am not saying that nobody marginalized must ever suffer in writing because pfffttt. But when things wander into the territory of 'X is suffering BECAUSE she is Y and oh the TRAGEDY of FORBIDDEN LOVE THAT CAN NEVER BE' I start to bang my head on the desk and seek beer.

For people in positions of privilege, that's just story fodder, but for marginalized people, sometimes that's our lives, so - no thanks. None of those walnuts are going into my brownies.

So yeah. Koltira and Thassarian have a right to be crabby about perpetually cold feet, no heartbeat, and all the WTF that goes along with being undead. They also have a right to sleep in and like pancakes. And Sylvanas and Lana'thel have a right to be annoyed as fuck with Arthas and frustrated with their circumstances (Lana with wing cramps = crabby forever), but also have a right to snuggle and hold hands and enjoy lichboom tea with lots of honey and lemon.

Because, seriously, so fucking many queer folks (and PWD, and PoC, and people who are any and all combos of the aforementioned, because INTERSECTIONALITY IS A THING AND IT MATTERS) IRL -are- denied a happy ending. And if you add in the cultural coding of elves, and the insistence some people have on treating undeath as analogous to disability—yeah, it gets even more facepalmy.

Guys, a lot of my friends have been denied a happy ending through shitty happenstance and terrible circumstances, and I’m writing in the end for myself and my girlfriend—and in the memory of those people who had to stop too fucking soon.

A desire for a happy ending is not childish. The world is often crapsack, and if some people get a kick out of crapsack world fiction, they’re free to get it, but don’t go scolding me for not caring for such stories. I don’t care for bleu cheese either. it’s not because my palate is immature; I just don’t like the taste of friggin’ bleu cheese.

idk where i was going here i had a point lololololol

tl;dr other people are free to write what they want but since I do not like bleu cheese I will continue to write my hard-won happy endings. Fighting for a happy ending doesn’t always work IRL, especially for marginalized people…so I figure I can give myself and others such satisfying endings in my head instead. XD

So I got round to doing the questing for Darkrider Arly and Olakin this evening, because that's how I roll (i.e. hooray for ADHD and my focus being all over the place wheeeee), and once again I got struck by how fucking fantastic a villain Arthas is.

( fangirly bollocks follows! )

BEACHY

Inspired by: Playing through the Pandaria arrival on my pally, and muttering "...It would have been so much cooler and scarier if the landing went like THIS--"
Warnings: My usual peeing on Canon's rug. Semi-spoilers for the landing on Pandaria except not. AU-of-an-AU!

I want to expand on this later hence no formal title block. :B

***

There was sand up Garrosh Hellscream's nose and sand in his boots and sand in his teeth and sand was trying to get into his eyes but he wasn't going to let it because it was everywhere else. So the sand could just deal with it.

...Was he really thinking that sand could act out of malice and plot against him? Seriously?

Damn, but his head hurt.

( ... )

Dear entirely-too-serious-about-this-shit squabbling babbies on various fora,

Pandaria doesn't belong to the Alliance. Pandaria doesn't belong to the Horde.

It belongs to the Pandaren and the rest of the native population.

To claim it belongs to either the Red Team or Blue Team--that is, us stupidass dirtbags who basically came and started a drunken brawl on the porch and started to wreck the joint and oh, I dunno, WOKE UP AN ANCIENT EVIL THAT EATS SOULS with our endless bullshit--is disrespectful, gross, and ties into way too many all-too-real and all-too-present ideas about actual IRL colonialism.

Yes, this is a game, the races are fictional, wah wah wah waaaahhhhh--but use your brains, hmmm? You're basically saying DUHH HURR HURR HURR THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T ACTUALLY BELONG TO THE NATIVE POPULATION when you run your mouths as above. Which is gross.

So stop it before I feed you to a kunchong. :D

Oh, and knock off your dragging of IRL homophobia and racism and other hateful bullshittiness into your damn forum-fights. If I have to hear one more of you brats sling a slur that's a BARELY-ALTERED version of an IRL one, or drag the IRL cultures that a fictional race is based on into the fight, or be misogynist and homophobic and gross about either group of elves or whatever?

I'm feeding you to MORE THAN ONE KUNCHONG.

And then I'm feeding your whiny-ass pointless dumbass souls to Yshaarj.

Stop bringing your ugliness and ignorance into everything, dammit, I play this game to get away from stinky babbies like you.

And stop whining when you're told to slag off. Talk shit, get hit.
-Y.